take it from someone who thought they had the real thing and then got rugpulled – told me, via text on Christmas morning, they never meant anything they said they’d felt after a few months – I was much happier for the first 23 years I was alone, never having had a relationship, than I’ve been in the 4 years since, knowing what I’m missing, spending much of that time trying and failing to have one again. Even fake love is a very, very addicting high. I had just enough time to believe it was real, just enough time to get attached to spending nights with him, cuddling and watching movies. I still miss that. I spent years going over in my head what I could’ve done, should’ve done, didn’t do, didn’t have; torturing myself over why I wasn’t enough. I still hate Christmas. It used to be my favorite holiday, now I’m a Halloween kinda guy.
The people who say “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” are full of shit. I miss being on autopilot. I miss being able to just not care that much about romantic relationships because I didn’t know what I was missing – I mean sure, I knew what they involved, but I hadn’t felt it before. Cherish that lack of experience while you have it, because in all likelihood, you’re not going to find “the one” on your first try either, and the sting of loneliness you feel now will be nothing compared to the way you’ll feel after your first breakup.
His reaction still makes me laugh, and I’ve known about this for years.